An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GUARD DUTY
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening Marine, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DIGGING A HOLE
Two privates stationed at Fort Campbell were handed shovels and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they got into an argument about what they were burying.
"This here's a big mule!"
"This ain't no mule, this here's a donkey."
"Mule!"
"Donkey!"
Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by. "What are you boys doing?"
"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."
"Donkey, dammit!"
The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass."
An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are you men doing, digging a foxhole?"
"No sir. We're diggin' an asshole."
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
A DAY TO REMEMBER
In the early morning hours of Dec 7 1941, as American sailors and airmen slept in their bunks, Japanese bombers and submarines attacked pearl harbor.
6 battleships, 3 destroyers, and 7 other ships were sunk or severely damaged.
Nearby military and navel airfields were also attacked and almost 200 American aircrafts were destroyed.
2,400 American lives were lost that day and another 1,200 were wounded.
But it went beyond just Pearl Harbor that day.....
The Japanese also torpedoed US ships on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu, they attacked Guam, Hong Kong, the phillipine Islands, and more.
Before that day we had supplied the allies with military equipment and for 2 years President Roosevelt had been progressively pushing for an active military alliance with Britian, but as of that day the US had practiced an isolationist policy and took a strictly defensive role in the war.
After that day our men went off to war, fought, died, and witnessed more death and destruction then any of us could ever imagine.
Women left their homes to take over the jobs that the men had left behind. They hit the assembly lines and built the instruments of war needed by the men.
It was truely a joint effort!!
In Reims, France, on May 7, 1945, German General Alfred Johl signed the unconditional surrender of all German forces on all fronts.
On September 2, 1945, aboard the U.S.S. Missouri, the Japanese officially surendered and World War II officially ended.
Although the exact numbers can never be truely known, it is estimated that between 60 & 72 million people died in the war that lasted from 1939 to 1945, making it the deadliest conflict in human history.
At least 40 million of the dead were civilians caught in the cross fire, or done in by famine and disease.
What many do not realize is that 85% of all the deaths in World War 2 were allied deaths. Enemy deaths accounted for only about 15% of all the casualties.
But we still won that war and that is really saying something!!!
As for America, our time on the WW2 battlefield lasted less than 4 years, and in that time we lost 418,500 souls (416,800 military, 1,700 civilains).
418,500 fathers, sons, brothers, went to war, fought for their country, and died for their brothers who stood toe to toe beside them in the trenches.
A 4 year war that left almost a half a million of our own dead.
Please take a minute today to remember and honor those men, both past and present, who because of our enemies are no longer with us!!!
When a nation stands behind their troops there is nothing they can not do!!
6 battleships, 3 destroyers, and 7 other ships were sunk or severely damaged.
Nearby military and navel airfields were also attacked and almost 200 American aircrafts were destroyed.
2,400 American lives were lost that day and another 1,200 were wounded.
But it went beyond just Pearl Harbor that day.....
The Japanese also torpedoed US ships on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu, they attacked Guam, Hong Kong, the phillipine Islands, and more.
Before that day we had supplied the allies with military equipment and for 2 years President Roosevelt had been progressively pushing for an active military alliance with Britian, but as of that day the US had practiced an isolationist policy and took a strictly defensive role in the war.
After that day our men went off to war, fought, died, and witnessed more death and destruction then any of us could ever imagine.
Women left their homes to take over the jobs that the men had left behind. They hit the assembly lines and built the instruments of war needed by the men.
It was truely a joint effort!!
In Reims, France, on May 7, 1945, German General Alfred Johl signed the unconditional surrender of all German forces on all fronts.
On September 2, 1945, aboard the U.S.S. Missouri, the Japanese officially surendered and World War II officially ended.
Although the exact numbers can never be truely known, it is estimated that between 60 & 72 million people died in the war that lasted from 1939 to 1945, making it the deadliest conflict in human history.
At least 40 million of the dead were civilians caught in the cross fire, or done in by famine and disease.
What many do not realize is that 85% of all the deaths in World War 2 were allied deaths. Enemy deaths accounted for only about 15% of all the casualties.
But we still won that war and that is really saying something!!!
As for America, our time on the WW2 battlefield lasted less than 4 years, and in that time we lost 418,500 souls (416,800 military, 1,700 civilains).
418,500 fathers, sons, brothers, went to war, fought for their country, and died for their brothers who stood toe to toe beside them in the trenches.
A 4 year war that left almost a half a million of our own dead.
Please take a minute today to remember and honor those men, both past and present, who because of our enemies are no longer with us!!!
When a nation stands behind their troops there is nothing they can not do!!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
COUNTRY FOLK IN THE ARMY
Mr. and Mrs. Braithwaite Backus,
Bald Buzzard Ridge
Mountainville, KY
Dear Ma and Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late). All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Cols. and Gens. just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges they come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving son,
Zeb
P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 for barn roof and ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.
Bald Buzzard Ridge
Mountainville, KY
Dear Ma and Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.( but am getting so I like to sleep late). All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. You got to shave, but it is not bad in warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Cols. and Gens. just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don't even load your own cartridges they come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving son,
Zeb
P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 for barn roof and ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
THE CHRISTMAS WISH
"There’s no such thing as Santa," jeered the group of older boys "There isn’t any reindeer, any elves or magic toys."
"Oh yes there is." I cried aloud, my little fists curled tight,
"He’s on his way with loaded sleigh to visit us tonight."
"I made the most imprtant wish a boy could ever make and I’ve been good for oh so long, been good for goodness sake."
And though the tears burned in my eyes, I swore I wouldn’t cry,
I didn’t want to be a man, but promised dad I’d try.
That night was spent, just mom and me, like many nights before;
the house was never quite the same since dad went off to war.
We had our Chistmas dinner and we sang O Holy Night,
We read about that meany Grinch and cheered when he did right.
But sadness showed within Mom’s eyes as she stood there by my bed, and tucked the covers to my chin and kissed me on the head.
"Don’t worry mom," I whispered "Things are gonna be all right."
"We’re sure to get our Christmas Wish when Santa comes tonight."
I tried my best to stay awake and listen to the roof, for telltale ring of jingle bells or clop of reindeer hoof.
But snug and warm it wasn’t long before I gave a yawn, and would have gone to sleep but for the noise out on the lawn.
Then came the clump of heavy boots across the hardwood floor,
the tread somehow familiar like I’d heard it once before.
As quiet as a mouse I crept, my eyes flew wide to see the silhouette that stood alone before the Christmas tree.
His frame was lean and fit, he had no belly big and round,
the heavy sack a duffle that he placed upon the ground.
He didn’t wear a stitch of red, the uniform was green, and not a single jingle bell, just medals could be seen.
And then the strongest arms on earth wrapped ‘round and held me tight, and I knew then that Santa really rode on Christmas night, and Christmas Wishes did come true, just like I knew they had,
For Santa came on Christmas night and brought me home my dad.
SO MANY CHILDREN WILL NOT GET THEIR CHRISTMAS WISH THIS YEAR.
"Oh yes there is." I cried aloud, my little fists curled tight,
"He’s on his way with loaded sleigh to visit us tonight."
"I made the most imprtant wish a boy could ever make and I’ve been good for oh so long, been good for goodness sake."
And though the tears burned in my eyes, I swore I wouldn’t cry,
I didn’t want to be a man, but promised dad I’d try.
That night was spent, just mom and me, like many nights before;
the house was never quite the same since dad went off to war.
We had our Chistmas dinner and we sang O Holy Night,
We read about that meany Grinch and cheered when he did right.
But sadness showed within Mom’s eyes as she stood there by my bed, and tucked the covers to my chin and kissed me on the head.
"Don’t worry mom," I whispered "Things are gonna be all right."
"We’re sure to get our Christmas Wish when Santa comes tonight."
I tried my best to stay awake and listen to the roof, for telltale ring of jingle bells or clop of reindeer hoof.
But snug and warm it wasn’t long before I gave a yawn, and would have gone to sleep but for the noise out on the lawn.
Then came the clump of heavy boots across the hardwood floor,
the tread somehow familiar like I’d heard it once before.
As quiet as a mouse I crept, my eyes flew wide to see the silhouette that stood alone before the Christmas tree.
His frame was lean and fit, he had no belly big and round,
the heavy sack a duffle that he placed upon the ground.
He didn’t wear a stitch of red, the uniform was green, and not a single jingle bell, just medals could be seen.
And then the strongest arms on earth wrapped ‘round and held me tight, and I knew then that Santa really rode on Christmas night, and Christmas Wishes did come true, just like I knew they had,
For Santa came on Christmas night and brought me home my dad.
SO MANY CHILDREN WILL NOT GET THEIR CHRISTMAS WISH THIS YEAR.
Monday, December 3, 2007
GOD WAS BUSY
A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.
Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform.
The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent.
The class fell silent...waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to, shaken he looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
"God was busy so he sent the Marines."
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.
Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform.
The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent.
The class fell silent...waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to, shaken he looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
"God was busy so he sent the Marines."
Sunday, December 2, 2007
THE IMPORTANT THINGS
The Iraq war is into it's 5th year.
As of now almost 4,000 US troops have been killed. 4000 families will never be whole again.
Almost 28,000 of our troops have been injured. 28,000 of our bravest who will never be the same again.
Approx. 1/3 of those injured in Iraq suffer from truamatic brain injuries & thousands of limbs have been sacrificed.
When you sit down to your lovely Christmas dinners and your stockings hung by the fire, remember our boys and girls who will spend Christmas day in the trenches, lonely and homesick and under enemy fire.
Also remember the families left behind to wait, for they too suffer greatly.
Remember them all throughout this holiday season and pray for their safe return to us.
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
I watched the flag pass by one day
It fluttered in the breeze
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud,
With hair cut square and eyes alert,
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No, freedom is not free.
I heard the sound of "Taps" one night,
When everything was still.
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That "Taps" had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin
Of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea,
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom is not free.
As of now almost 4,000 US troops have been killed. 4000 families will never be whole again.
Almost 28,000 of our troops have been injured. 28,000 of our bravest who will never be the same again.
Approx. 1/3 of those injured in Iraq suffer from truamatic brain injuries & thousands of limbs have been sacrificed.
When you sit down to your lovely Christmas dinners and your stockings hung by the fire, remember our boys and girls who will spend Christmas day in the trenches, lonely and homesick and under enemy fire.
Also remember the families left behind to wait, for they too suffer greatly.
Remember them all throughout this holiday season and pray for their safe return to us.
FREEDOM IS NOT FREE
I watched the flag pass by one day
It fluttered in the breeze
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud,
With hair cut square and eyes alert,
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No, freedom is not free.
I heard the sound of "Taps" one night,
When everything was still.
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That "Taps" had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin
Of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea,
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom is not free.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF HOOAH!!!
hooah (hoo ah) adj., adv., n., v., conj., interj., excla. (Orig. unknown) Slang.
1. Referring to or meaning anything and everything except "no".
2. What to say when at a loss for words.
3.a. Good copy. b. Roger. c. Solid copy. d. Good. e. Great. f. Message received. g. Understood. h. Acknowledged.
4.a. Glad to meet you. b. Welcome.
5. "All right!"
6.a. I don't know the answer, but I'll check on it. b. I haven't the foggiest idea.
7. I am not listening.
8. "That is enough of your drivel; sit down!"
9. Yes.
10. "You've got to be kidding me!"
11. Thank you.
12. Go to the next slide.
13. You've taken the correct action.
14. I don't know what that means, but I'm too embarassed to ask for clarification.
15. Squared away (He's pretty hooah.)
16. Amen!
1. Referring to or meaning anything and everything except "no".
2. What to say when at a loss for words.
3.a. Good copy. b. Roger. c. Solid copy. d. Good. e. Great. f. Message received. g. Understood. h. Acknowledged.
4.a. Glad to meet you. b. Welcome.
5. "All right!"
6.a. I don't know the answer, but I'll check on it. b. I haven't the foggiest idea.
7. I am not listening.
8. "That is enough of your drivel; sit down!"
9. Yes.
10. "You've got to be kidding me!"
11. Thank you.
12. Go to the next slide.
13. You've taken the correct action.
14. I don't know what that means, but I'm too embarassed to ask for clarification.
15. Squared away (He's pretty hooah.)
16. Amen!
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